Why you Choose Who Choose: The patterns repeat without knowing are choosing them

Why do you end up in the same argument again, with someone different?Claire has had three partners and one relationship. A chaotic musician, an obsessively organized engineer, and the one she's with now. Three men with nothing in common. And the same argument.Ask her and she'll say she's had bad luck with men. Or that she's too intense. Neither sentence explains the fact sitting in front of her: that three people with nothing in common ended up in the same conversation.What repeats with different people isn't in the people.It isn't bad luck and it isn't that you attract the wrong person. It's a strategy you learned long ago, that worked somewhere, and that's still in place where it's no longer needed.This book won't diagnose you and won't hand you an attachment label: labels describe fixed people, and what exists are strategies that activate depending on who you're with. It also won't give you vocabulary for classifying your partner, which is what almost everything published on this subject turns into.Twenty-four chapters. Each with a case, an explanation, and a tool you can do with pen and paper.Why intermittency hooks harder than constancy. Why steady affection is unbearable for some people. What someone is really doing when they always pick a person to fix. What staying where you are saves you. And why we mistake familiarity for chemistry.Second volume in the series begun with Why You Don't Do What You Know.