Why Are We Still Surprised?: Breaking the Silence Around Boys in Dance

Why are we still surprised when a boy chooses to dance? Why Are We Still Surprised? Breaking the Silence Around Boys in Dance challenges the stereotypes, assumptions and unspoken expectations that continue to shape the experiences of boys in dance. Drawing on more than three decades in dance education, alongside her experiences as a teacher in an all-boys school and mother of two sons who dance, Paula Nicoletto explores what happens when passion collides with perception. From costume racks and classrooms to competitions, assessment practices, family expectations and the persistent pressure to appear "masculine," the book exposes the subtle messages that can make boys question whether they truly belong. But this is not simply a book about boys. It is a conversation about the boxes we create for everyone-and what becomes possible when we dismantle them. Blending personal stories, research, reflection and practical strategies, Paula challenges educators, parents, studios and the wider community to reconsider the language we use, the systems we accept and the stereotypes we unintentionally perpetuate. Provocative, personal and ultimately hopeful, Why Are We Still Surprised? asks us to stop questioning why boys dance and start questioning why, in 2026, we still think their choice requires an explanation. Dance never had a gender. Our assumptions did.