The Midwest Survival Guide

New York Times Bestseller A hilarious full-color guide to Midwestern culture, from comedian and journalist Charlie Berens, creator of the viral comedic series "The Manitowoc Minute" Have you ever had a goodbye lasting more than four hours? Do you lack the emotional capacity to say “I love you” so you just tell your loved ones to “watch out for deer”? Have you apologized to a stranger because she stepped on your foot? If you answered yes to any of these questions, there’s a good chance you’re a Midwesterner—or a Midwesterner at heart. Even if you answered no, you probably know someone who held the door for you from two football fields away. He likely waved at you and said, “Hey there,” like you organized the church bar crawl together. That was a Midwesterner in the wild. We understand that your interaction was strange—but it’s likely to get stranger. Don’t wait until they stick their head in your second-floor window to invite you over for a perch fry because they climbed on your roof to clean your gutters. There’s no need to pull the pepper spray; this species is helpful by nature. And the relationship could be very symbiotic—but only if you let it happen. And that’s where this book comes into play. Inspired by my comedy tours across the Midwest and life growing up in Wisconsin, this book is an exploration into my favorite region on Earth. Some may think the Midwest is just a bunch of bland flyover states filled with less diversity than a Monsanto monoculture. But scratch that surface with your buck knife and you’ll find rich cultures and traditions proving we’re more than just fifty shades of milk. So whether you’re a born-and-bred Midwesterner looking to sharpen your skill at apologies or a costal elite visiting the in-laws for the holidays, this guide to the Midwest will help you navigate its customs, with everything from the best flannel looks to dating and mating rituals (yes, casserole is involved) to climbing the corporate corn silo to how to handle a four-way stop—and every backyard brat fry in between. And for those of you who don’t like reading, don’t worry—we’ve got pictures! Toss in illustrations, sidebars, quizzes, and jokes worthy of a supper club stall and The Midwest Survival Guide is just the walleye-deep look into this distinctive, beautiful, and bizarre slice of American culture you’ve been looking for. This essential guide is your key to unlocking the Midwest’s greatest mysteries and navigating its unique customs. Heartland Humor: Learn why telling your loved ones to "watch out for deer" is the highest form of affection and other essential pieces of local wisdom. A Guide to Midwestern Nice: Master the art of the four-hour goodbye and understand why you instinctively apologize to strangers who step on your foot. Cultural Traditions: Get a crash course in everything from dating rituals (yes, casserole is involved) to the unspoken rules of the backyard brat fry. Regional Etiquette: Decode the complexities of the four-way stop and other social challenges unique to this charming and bizarre part of America.

From comedian and journalist Charlie Berens, creator of the viral comedic series The Manitowoc Minute -a hilarious full-color guide to Midwestern culture. Someone once said, Love means never having to say you're sorry, but that guy was from Brooklyn. Midwesterners say sorry at least fifty different ways. They'll even interchange it with hello...and goodbye. Speaking of goodbyes, those can last for hours in the Midwest...sometimes days if you're not prepared. That's where The Midwest Survival Guide comes in. It will keep some poor soul from missing their flight to Burbank because an epic Midwest goodbye turned into an impromptu trip to deer camp. But this book is just as much for Midwest natives as it is for outsiders. There are 12 states to cover, and each one comes with its own unique quirks, culture, and truck stops. Could you imagine living in the Midwest your entire life and not know the proper order of ope, geez, and sorry That's like forgetting your date's name. At some point, it's no longer appropriate to ask. Not to worry! Charlie Berens is here to help. He's a comedian and Wisconsin native whose comedy tours have taken him all across the United States, but mostly across the Midwest. He's seen it all, and now it's his honor to guide you through: Saying hello (not as easy as you think) The long goodbye (even harder) Dating and mating rituals. Yes, casserole is involved. Recipes for your next church potluck Tips for your next church bar crawl What to do when (not if) you hit a deer Truck stops, tourist traps, and significant cultural destinations How to handle your Midwestern boss Full of photos, illustrations, sidebars, quizzes, and jokes worthy of a supper club stall, The Midwest Survival Guide is a walleye-deep look into a distinctive, beautiful, and bizarre American culture, and the best gift you could give Midwesterners, or those aspiring to be...aside from rhubarb.