The Beach Police

During sixty sweltering summer days, Pensacola Beach becomes the scene of the strangest law-enforcement crisis in Florida history. It does not begin with a major crime, a hurricane, or an international conspiracy. It begins with a drunken tourist, a stolen wooden pelican, a bucket of crab water, and a police chief who cannot stop talking whenever a microphone is nearby.The Beach Police are not actually an independent police department. They are deputies assigned to a fictional Escambia County substation on Pensacola Beach. The words ESCAMBIA COUNTY appear on the building, but they are smaller than the enormous BEACH POLICE sign Chief Cecil "Buster" Bream has installed over the entrance. County officials have ordered him to remove the sign three times. He removes it, waits until they leave, and puts it back with larger screws.Chief Bream has turned the little substation into his personal beachfront kingdom. He believes county headquarters is too far away to understand beach law enforcement, which allows him to interpret county policies according to the temperature, the tourist population, and his mood. His official philosophy is called Firm Hospitality. Tourists should be welcomed warmly, watched constantly, corrected immediately, and encouraged to leave before they become comfortable enough to file a complaint.The chief is not acting alone.