HOW TO SURVIVE A TEQ: 14-Day Tactical Field Manual for the Average Guy

Guy is 64, 1.70m tall, weighs a confident 100kg, and has had enough of Belgian women who keep checking his LinkedIn. So he does what any rational man would do: he flies to Kinshasa looking for true love. He finds Espérance - a stunning Tall Ebony Queen who calls him "mon roi" and looks at him like he's special. (She's actually looking at his monthly pension.) What follows is a glorious, excruciating 14-day masterclass in self-deception. From synchronized family birthdays and the legendary Sandal Uncle's "diamond mine that closes this Thursday," to Koffi Olomide concerts where someone always forgets their wallet, dry rumba sessions with underwear firmly on, miracle pregnancies, and a very busy dead colonel with eight million dollars in Switzerland. Written by the victim himself - with zero self-awareness and maximum Belgian optimism - this book is savage black humor at its finest. A painfully funny portrait of a man who refuses to see what's happening while cheerfully funding it all. >Warning: May cause uncontrollable laughter, second-hand embarrassment, and a sudden urge to warn your divorced uncle.