How To Archer

Bol

Set at the International Secret Intelligence Service (ISIS), suave master spy Sterling Archer deals with global espionage; a domineering, hypersexual, late middle-aged mother/boss, Malory Archer; his ex-girlfriend, Agent Lana Kane; her ISIS accountant boyfriend Cyril Figgis; and, a less-than-masculine code name: Duchess. Hi. I see you’re reading the back of my book. This tells me that you either: A) are hoping to find a brief summary of what to expect from a how-to book by Sterling Archer, the world’s greatest secret agent, or B) don’t know how books work. If your answer was “A,” your best bet is probably the table of contents, which is where you’ll find the “contents” of this book listed in a convenient, easy-to-read “table” format. So maybe go check that out for a minute and then come back here. I’ll wait. . . . Pretty cool, right? What other book will teach you how to dress properly and how to drive an elephant? How to field strip an AK-47 and how to haggle with a Thai prostitute—in her native tongue? How to pilot an airboat and how to make about a million delicious cocktails, including a Molotov one? How to kill a guy and how to prepare a fabulous brunch? Plus how to do tons of other stuff that I forgot, but that is nonetheless probably in this book (which, to be honest, I really only kinda skimmed). So if you want to learn more about how to be more—or at all—like Sterling Archer, the world’s greatest secret agent, quit smearing your greasy fingerprints all over this book and buy it. For one thing, I really need the royalties. For another thing, the last time I checked, this wasn’t a damn library. (Note: If your answer was “B,” this probably isn’t the book you want to start with.) Animated comedy series "Archer" is a wittily raunchy spy spoof ("Entertainment Weekly") with a cult following. Set at the International Secret Intelligence Service (ISIS), suave master spy Sterling Archer deals with global espionage; a domineering, hypersexual, late middle-aged mother/boss, Malory Archer; his ex-girlfriend, Agent Lana Kane; her ISIS accountant boyfriend Cyril Figgis; and, a less-than-masculine code name: Duchess. Stylistically, the show is a mix of the '60s and modern cultures and the book will follow closely with more than 100 colour illustrations from the show. Tentative Outline: Personal Style - you should be spending more on clothes, the importance of a personal tailor, are two buttons one too many, fragrance - Bay Rum or nothing, and Valet vs. Butler; Food and Drink - taste like a spy, the many uses of Greek yogurt, Scotch and Gummi Bears, the Breakfast of Champions, and Men are from Martinis, Women from Vodka; Transportation - how to drive drunk (which you should never do), under the hood, and cool cars and why I drive a Challenger; and, Women - tips for getting ladies (Kinda like "The Game" but not as shitty), pick-up lines in various languages, and you Don't Have to Put on the Red Light - escorts and you. Also to be included: The Sterling Sutra, Archer's favorite weapons and fighting techniques, and more.

Amazon

Pages: 192, Edition: Illustrated, Paperback, It Books