Family Unfriendly

The bestselling author of Alienated America traveled the country asking families and experts the same questions: why is parenting so much harder even though the kids are less happy than than a generation ago? Parenting seems harder these days, and Millennials and Generation Z don’t seem up for it. Why? It’s easy to blame cost or selfishness, but kids have long been an economic drag, and adults have always been selfish. The question is: What’s changed? The answer is culture. Our culture is less friendly to parenting that it used to be, and should be. When we were kids, no one was watching us every moment. That was a good thing: it meant our parents felt confident in the society around us. That was the past. Today, the mode of parenting is about hypercontrol. Kids must constantly be cosseted, entertained, trained, scheduled, and catechized as little activists and influencers. Timothy P. Carney argues that we need to lighten up and return to the virtues of old-fashioned parenting. We need to give kids space to both fail and succeed, to have adventures and gain unexpected knowledge and enjoy unscheduled time. This means escaping the travel-team trap, abandoning helicopter parenting, strengthening communities, changing the workplace, and ultimately restoring the belief that humans—adults, kids, and babies—are good. It’s no wonder birth rates have dropped, and that our kids are suffering unprecedented anxiety and depression. Our culture sets unreasonable standards for parents, diminishes the value of family, and makes us feel bad for existing. Drawing on rigorous research—both as a reporter and as a dad of six—Carney demonstrates why modern parenting is so misguided. The high standards set for modern American parenting are unrealistic and setting parents—and our kids—up to fail.