Agamemnon McPee's Ladder to the Stars

Welcome to the World of Agamemnon McPhee In this volume -You'll Believe A Buttock Can Fly! Agamemnon McPhee's nocturnal musings are interrupted by a giant luminous buttock floating through the sky over Glasgow. Anxious (who wouldn't be?) to identify the buttock's other half, he sets about constructing a vast chain of ladders held together by 'buttock gravitas'. This ladder extends from his intellectual island in the sky, but fails to take our hero any nearer his desire. Meanwhile, the Buttock-Finder General is hatching a plot with buttock-based writer Durden Slazengebolke to steal the monstrous-bottomed Millennium Mammy statue, while mild-mannered inventor Donovan Dimbledocky sets out to find a cure for the paper-clip virus ravaging society. McPhee learns from Adviraldo Mutterlehofe (a.k.a. The Black Armadillo) of a buttock cloning farm in Switzerland which has developed buttoquial anti-gravitas, capable of sending a buttock-powered rocket to the stars. A visit to the farm gives McPhee a fancy-tickling peek at organic alternatives to cosmetic surgery. Dimbledocky manages to cure the paper-clip virus and bring every clip on earth under his control. He realises he could make a spaceship hull from paper-clips. And, this done, the buttock-powered ship - LADDER TO THE STARS Mk II - with a crew of dirty old men and rude schoolboys for the vital anti-gravitas, flies into Shallow Space. Whence, having accessed an unknown enigma pocket, the ship materialises in the Buttock-Finder's private estate, where much fun and games in the Buttock Grove ensue as the old men and schoolboys run amok. Back in Glasgow, the luminous buttock mysteriously reappears - becoming lodged in a city centre wall, near the site where the Mammy statue had stood. In a moving final scene, McPhee liberates the buttock (still without a matching half) which sails up gracefully towards the bright new moon. If You Only Buy One Buttock-Based Novel This Decade, Make Sure It's Agamemnon McPhee's Ladder To The Stars.